Friday, July 21, 2017

My Reflections on Chester Bennington's Death

I still can't believe this news, I didn't know that Chester is troubled deep inside. I don't know and I will never understand the mentality of people who take their own lives, but I think it's like they think there is no other way. I wish that this has not happened, but it did.

Now, I will never hear his voice live again, but he is immortalized by their art. The songs and videos they created will forever be there. The one I like most in Linkin Park is Mike Shinoda, but I also like the vocals of Chester Bennington, he is really talented. So, I was saddened by this news that he took his own life :(

I remember, the first ever concert I went to was Linkin Park's Meteora World Tour concert here in the Philippines back in June 15, 2004. I was in my 20's, already working, so I had my own money to buy the tickets. None of my friends, brother, cousins, were available at that time to go with me to the concert. So, the only one available was my mom lolz, who didn't even know their songs or interested in their music. My mom is super cool. Of course, people laughed when I tell them this because I went with my mom lolz. But, this seems to be one of the things that make you strong, that you know you can lean on someone when you need them. I can always lean on my mom, but of course she is not perfect.

There was a time that I didn't wanna talk to her because of something that happened. But that was over and I am in good terms with her again. She is my rock, along with God. My mom is not perfect and I have already accepted that she can make mistakes, she is also human. God is the only one who is perfect and will never disappoint, always faithful.

I used to think that God is just someone that people created because they needed someone to lean on, that He is not real, that Jesus is not God. Now, I know better because I have found the proof that I needed to believe. I wish that everyone in this world will find the proof they need to believe in God. I wish that people will know that we are sons and daughters of God and He is always there for us. We can always run to Him when we need someone to listen to us, to tell our problems too, to lean on when we think there are no solutions. He is our Father.

Most of the songs of Linkin Park were dark of course, they are in rock genre. I guess that's why I kinda drifted away from them a few years ago. I like most of their songs, especially the old ones. I think now, I'm going to listen to their new songs, but I prefer more positive songs at this time, I'm gonna go through their songs and find those, if there are any. I still love Linkin Park, but I am going to pray for them, I hope no one else will commit suicide. I hope that they will not be so overwhelmed with negativity and that they will see that someone cares for them.

This song was sang by Chester and now it's dedicated to him. I don't think that he felt someone cares if his light goes out or he wouldn't have made that choice...




Monday, July 17, 2017

Bitcoin Thoughts

My thoughts on Bitcoin.... I just write randomly... So, I might not make much sense lolz.

I love Bitcoin but it seems that I can't understand all of the things that involve it. I mean there are lots of terms that I don't understand. It seems I will always be behind when it comes to the topic of Bitcoin lolz.

I am reading lots of tweets and I can't really participate because I don't understand 5 or ten terms. I just know that UASF (User Activated Soft Fork) will really happen on August 1, 2017 and there are different scenarios that can play out. But, of course I think Bitcoin will still survive this. Whatever happens, I'm still going to the bitcoin that the Bitcoin Core developers are coding for.

I don't know why there are those people intent on removing the Core developers lolz. I mean I see everything as an art or craft. These Core developers are excellent , super great, A class, at what they do. I don't know what word to describe how I look up to these people (even though I don't know all of them by name or what they've contributed), I mean, Bitcoin has been running non-stop for 8 years.

I don't understand the Bitcoin code itself, but I understand that there was no problem with the code ever since it ran in 2009. That's an amazing feat. If I'm going to compare them to Naruto ninjas, they are S-rank ninjas. Highly skilled. Why would anyone want to create their own team and create an alternate bitcoin code? For sure they don't have the users in mind, they just want to have something that could help them with their own interest in the matter.

Anyways, I'm going to use this blog as my notebook for all the things I learn about Bitcoin. Since there are only two of us in my social circle who are interested in Bitcoin, (my cousin doesn't blog), this blog can be useful for those who are only starting out with it. I'm sure that when bitcoin catches on with the masses, my relatives and friends would want to know what is it about and this blog may help them a little with their research. I haven't even written my comprehensive "what is bitcoin" article lol. I will have to start there and I may link to lots of websites for just that one. Or maybe create just a short article of why they should care about Bitcoin.... 

Those people who wish Bitcoin would disappear, cannot uninvent this thing. It will forever be here. It's a code, it's block chain, one thing I know in tech, you should make multiple copies lolz. I'm a conspiracy theorist, so I think Bitcoin is being attacked on all sides, code, network, people... I'm still excited to see what happens when I wake up on August 2, my time. This is a historic event, well I guess everything that happens in Bitcoin is historic, nothing like Bitcoin ever existed before. That's why I admire Satoshi Nakamoto so much and the people he cited in the white paper... Even if I don't completely understand this, I just believe that this is the best thing that was ever invented during my lifetime...

My cousin think that Bitcoin will be defeated by the powers-that-be in the future, but we have the time now to take advantage of this. One of my favorite quote from satoshi was when he said: “but we can win a major battle in the arms race and gain a new territory of freedom for several years”

Bitcoin for me is freedom. "They" will never ever control it and they cannot control all the people involved or using it. They can do all the psy ops they want, the good thing about Bitcoin is it's open and everything is discussed in public, nothing is hidden. I think that's the best way to determine if the person is on your side or not, by the actions they do, if it's good for Bitcoin, then he is on your side, if it's not, then he's an enemy.

I want to write things about Bitcoin but when I start, I find out, I don't know everything about it and I need to research and then there are new things to learn and need to start over again. It's like a never ending layer of info I need to learn lolz. Anyways, I will start with the basics, I am so late in the game but I really want to learn this, it just takes time and lots of reading and watching and comprehending lol.

Well, I guess I don't really have to learn all the technical stuffs, I mean it's like how I use this computer and the electricity, I don't know how this computer works, all i know is that when i turn the power button on, it works and I can do stuffs on my computer... When I turn the electricity on, I have no idea HOW the power travel from the power plant to my home, but I know that when I turn the switch on, I have light.

However, Bitcoin is so fascinating to me, that I think I want to learn everything about it...

Sunday, July 16, 2017

How to Remove the flash settings pop up in Koramgame

After you clear the cache or browsing data, koramgame players know that you will not be able to play the game again unless you get rid of the pop up that shows up in the middle of the screen.

Here's a video I made to remove the pop up and be able to play the game again.
I'm sorry the video is not that clear, but you can see it clearer if you use full screen.
Also, sorry for the gameshow watermark, i'm just using their free software lol.

The website I searched for to change the flash settings: Global flash settings
Click on the first site on the search results, it's the adobe flash page





Other Koramgame Issue:
Since there are a lot of problems with playing in koramgame, I'm going to use my second wartune account more often which I created on proficient city server. Although I have to endure using the koramgame one (ladyraistlin) until I have 5million battle rating in my 2nd acct, Ann35. Currently I only have 1million br there lol. I love my ladyraistlin account, but it's just so inconvenient to play on koram.

I just read this article about Koramgame not releasing players' characters, so we can't be transferred to proficient city and log in from there... I think Koramgame owner, doesn't have any plans on releasing our characters, so I'm going to leave koram and my precious ladyraistlin account (w/c I have been using for I think 4 yrs already) in a few months if I can make my 5 million br in ann35.

I'm just a semi-free player (I just recharged 3 or 4 times in ladyraistlin) so it's an easy decision for me. I don't know about the strong players in our server. The one who wrote to dolygames in that article was actually my guildmate and the strongest player in our current server. I haven't talked to him yet, since I'm online when most of them are asleep lol.



Anyways, that's my plan for my wartune account, I can only play for 1 or 2 hours per day, but I hope I'll be able to get to 5million soon.

Wartune Clothes 1

My Wartune Outfit for this month of July

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Pusong Palaban Lyrics - Quest

Yumuyuko sa mabigat na pasan
iniinda anuman kalakas ng ulan
bugbog sa hirap ng problema, pasakit, parusa
malampasan lang ang pagdurusa

mas mataas pa sa mga gusaling itinatayo
mas mahaba pa sa kalsadang tinatahak mo
kasing bigat ng daigdig nakapasan sa'yo
ganyan ang mga pagsubok na hinaharap mo

*patumbahin ang aray, tatalunin ang sakit
sa ngalan ng tagumpay na walang kapalit
sumigaw, pumalag, pumiglas ka
makabagong mandirigma, laban na

**yan ang pusong palaban
anuman ang daan
gano kabigat ang pasan
tagumpay makakamtan
(pusong palaban)
anuman ang hadlang
ito'y malalampasan
walang ibang paraan
(yan ang pusong palaban)
matayog na 'yong pangarap
walang ng makakaharang
kaya tuloy lang ang laban
yan ang pusong palaban
pusong palaban

Ikaw na, pusong palaban
kampeon na walang inuurungan

pilit kang papatumbahin sa bawat suliranin
ilagay ka sa alanganin ng hindi makarating
sa tuktok, sa rurok ng iyong mga pangarap
ang 'yong kahinaan kanilang hinahanap

pero tayo'y walang takot saan man 'to umabot
hingalin man sa pagod, sige lang ang kayod
hindi hihinto, tuloy tuloy lang hanggang
tawagin kang kampeon ng sambayanan

(Pilipinas)
repeat * and **

'pag pinatumba ng hamon
agad bumabangon
gano man kalaki ang alon
hindi papalamon
(repeat x4)
tayo ay aahon

repeat **

Ikaw na, pusong palaban
kampeon na walang inuurungan

Ikaw na, pusong palaban
pusong palaban


You can buy the song for 10 pesos at spinnr.ph

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Woman in Love - My Journey Begins

Katie Hartfiel is the author of the book Woman In Love. She relates her story in this book about how she prayed for her husband-to-be since she was 17 yrs. old. 

I just bought the ebook from kindle and will be reading it later. I read the first chapter which she gave for free after I signed up to her email list at womaninlove.org. I love the foreword by Steve Bollman. I highlighted most of his sentences lolz. One of the part I love most was when he said:

This new reality could have turned this young girl into another statistic: broken home, troubled youth, unwanted pregnancy, illegitimate child or a broken home in the next generation.
Fortunately, Katie forgot to read the storyline. Her life travels a different path. She anchors her hope in a merciful God who loves her. She trusts that God will fulfill her dreams, the dreams of a future husband and the family life they will share together.
I love that part because it means she didn't give up hope even when her own family was broken, she didn't stop dreaming that God will give her the husband of her dreams and that they will have a great family life together. This strenghtened my resolve to save myself for marriage.

 

I am not alone :)

I'm reminded that I'm not alone when I read this article from Kate Bryan - she wrote this in september 2016 - she is a 32 year old virgin - I'm a few years older, but I am also in my 30s and a virgin... I have to relate my so-called love life, the "almosts", the boys who came and went, maybe in another post, suffice it to say that I think God had given me the grace of not having any boyfriend at all, maybe because He knows I can't handle the hurt I guess, coz I can really become obsessed with a boy when I have a crush on him. Maybe now that's going to change, when I pray for my future husband and become a changed person in the process, I won't obssessed but I'm going to be productive with my life but still keep him in mind and pray for him and myself.

Another woman that wrote an article on being a virgin is Mandy, this is a link to the lifesitenews article on her. This is the quote I love from her:
“I’m a virgin because I am a passionate proponent of keeping the sanctity, beauty and value in sex”
My bestfriend since high school, when we come upon the topic of sex, she thought that I think sex is bad lolz, I told her I don't think sex is bad, I think it's sacred. They don't understand the view of the Church about sex, well, I haven't even read the Theology of the Body by Saint Pope John Paul II, (but I will someday), so I don't expect them to read it too and understand the view of the Pope.

Anyways, just as what Mandy said, I too want to keep the sanctity, beauty and value in sex and not just use it for my own pleasure.

Reason for Writing about this topic:

So, I am writing this partly because I am doing what Gary Vaynerchuk said, to document what's going on in my life, what's important to me, instead of fronting. And partly because I want to share this with my fellow Catholic Singles, especially those in their 30s, to not lose hope and don't let go of what God said in Jeremiah 29:11
For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.
Katie is my role model now, because she didn't give up hope, she believed in God and He fulfilled her dreams. I had my moments of weakness, well, only in my thoughts, I thought maybe I should do what most of my social circle did, they already had sex and I also don't want any what ifs when I have my own boyfriend. But, there was a tweet from Jason Evert about an article on Sick of Singleness, which lead me to read the Woman in Love ebook and led me to decide to really wait for my future husband and the dream of sharing that life together.

This is a very personal post and I have fears of publishing this, but as Ambrose Redmoon said (got this from the woman in love ebook):
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear"
So, even if I'm so scared of putting myself out there, what's more important for me is that maybe someone somewhere out here in the internet, a woman is also struggling with her decisions to keep holding on to the dream. I want to tell her, you are not alone. I, for one, is also dreaming and holding on to God's promise. I believe WE CAN DO IT.

Of course, this dream is not only for virgins. 

Those who had sex already, you don't need to sell yourself short, you can still dream of a future husband that will cherish you for who you are and help you to be holy and lead your family to Heaven. I think you don't need to settle because you are at that age where you should be married already and have a family. I would rather wait for the future husband of my dreams than settle for someone who is here, but doesn't have the qualities of a good husband.

For me, one of the things I look for now in a guy is that he loves Jesus, first and foremost. Here in the Philippines, even in a predominantly Catholic country, you will not see guys talking about Jesus, unless they're in a church group or something. I can now see some of my relatives who are going to read this post and think "she can wait 'till she's in her 50's, we'll see then if she's going to be this confident". I don't want to give a deadline to God, I believe in his perfect timing. If my future husband comes to me in my 40's or 50's, fine by me. I'm weird like that. :)

I remember one of my aunts tell me, why did you just not join a convent? I told her, it's not for me, I don't have a very obedient attitude lolz. I have a problem with following authorities. I might just become a rebel and last for only one day in the convent lolz. That's why when I follow God, that's saying a lot, coz I don't really follow an authority, but I follow God because I know He is real and everything He said in the Bible is true. I will follow God in my own way.

Even though I have never had a boyfriend, I still believe marriage is my vocation and that God will give me a husband worth waiting for. :)

What I did yesterday:

I made a live video yesterday and I didn't know it was already 12 minutes long lolz. I was just reading the paragraphs I like on the womaninlove ebook and sharing a little of my thoughts on it. This is the video. Skip to 20 seconds, that's when I started talking.

Yesterday was the start of a new thing for me. I fully believed that God will give me a great husband and so I followed the instructions of Katie in the ebook and started praying for him. Then I wrote the letter on a notebook. When I wrote that letter, I felt more at peace and the longing for a boyfriend, that I really feel inside, subsided a little, I mean, I still feel a little incomplete, but I can feel more relaxed now and happy, knowing that I'm doing something to help my future husband in his own life's journey.

Now, that I addressed that longing in my heart, I can focus more on my goals, and what I want to achieve in my life while I still have this freedom of time in my hands.

I will be going for my goals, and live a happy life, while waiting for that future husband. Actually, I didn't call him Husband-to-be, I started my letter with "Dear FH" which means Future Husband. It just feels more comfortable for me. Maybe I will change it later, maybe not.

Now, I can really say, I am joyfully waiting. :)

I will be posting more of my thoughts on the ebook in the coming weeks. 

Friday, July 7, 2017

Lost 13 lbs yey :)

I finally see some results lolz.

My last check up, I was 205 lbs, now I'm 192 lbs. That's a very good result for me. :) I've never been more than 200 lbs in my life so this was really not good for me. I was overweight when I was in my 20s, for my height of 5'2'', but now I'm really obese, I don't want to be so unhealthy. My goal is to be 120 lbs. Getting there... aim for progress, not perfection.  

From now on, I will not look at the scale for 2 months. That is the time interval that I go to the psychiatrist for regular check up. That only last for about 5 minutes lolz, he just check my weight, then ask how I am and how I feel, I feel good so he doesn't ask any question anymore and I didn't have any breakdowns for the past 2 years I think, so I'm ok in his records. What he wants, just like what I want, is for me to lose weight. I don't know when I will be off my maintenance meds, but it won't be a hindrance for me to strive for a healthy lifestyle. 

Next weigh in will be on September 12, 2017. I will just continue what I'm doing now:

  • Zumba = Monday to Thursday for one hour 
  • Walking to work from our house, 30 minutes everyday
  • Drinking chia seeds everyday